


baby it's cold outside (no really, it's fucking cold)

by cynicalRaconteur



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff, Ice Skating, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-10
Updated: 2013-01-10
Packaged: 2017-11-25 00:51:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/633343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cynicalRaconteur/pseuds/cynicalRaconteur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Happy winter fluff for you all!</p>
            </blockquote>





	baby it's cold outside (no really, it's fucking cold)

Some winter fluff for you all.

“John,” Jade says as she grips your hand tight enough to bruise. “Are you sure this a good idea?”

You look away from your master plan at work and turn to your ectosister, scandalised. “Yeah! Of course it is! Why wouldn’t it be?”

Jade smiles up at you and pats your shoulder with the hand that isn’t trying to break your fingers. “Well, if you’re sure, I’m sure!”

She isn’t. You can tell. Nothing gets past you! You flick her dog ear with a grin. She has a neat little hat that slots over them and makes it look like she wears a dog-ear hat, but they still move around on their own if you touch them. Jade yelps, then covers her mouth in embarrassment. You give a manly chuckle that sounds absolutely nothing like a giggle.

“John Egbert! You fuckass!” She grins as she slaps your arm, and the strength of her hit nearly unbalances both of you. You laugh. She sounds just like Karkat and, like Karkat, she’s never been skating before. This is probably because she grew up on a pacific island with only a dog for company. In fact, you’re pretty sure the only people of your group who have ever gone ice skating are you and Rose. Some are dealing with this better than others.

Karkat is huddled so close to Gamzee that they might meld into one big super-troll. Which would be totally awesome, but also kind of weird-looking because of their height-difference. The first time you met Karkat in person you maybe laughed a tiny bit at how short he was. Only a tiny bit! You’re not entirely sure he’s totally forgiven you, but then again he’s always angry at everybody so it’s kind of hard to tell when he’s actually mad at you. Gamzee is gliding around on the ice without a care in the world, one long arm wrapped around his moirail’s shoulders, while Karkat keeps up a litany of angry mutterings while the blades of his skates skitter around and chip the ice. He’s really not very good at this. Terezi and Sollux bullied him into doing it (it’s so easy to rile him up, and they clearly know what buttons to press) and he refused to skate without Gamzee to cling on to. Gamzee had planned to stay back with Tavros at the side of the rink, but he agreed easily enough. He pretty much takes everything in his stride, but with legs as long as his you guess that’s pretty easy. You’re also 100% sure he’s stoned all the time, but it’s not your place to judge!

Actually a lot of trolls are skating with their moirails, which you guess makes sense. Sollux is not quite clinging to Aradia, but he looks like he’s holding her hand pretty tight. Kind of like how Jade is holding yours, actually. Aradia doesn’t seem to mind. She’s wearing really cute earmuffs and furry gloves, and she keeps trying to force either one or the other onto Sollux, who in turn keeps trying to give them back. Both of them are maintaining that the other will be too cold. It’s really sweet. You kind of wish you had a moirail sometimes, but then you remember that you have three best friends and that’s almost like having three moirails! You tried to explain all this to Karkat once, but he started looking like he wanted to rip your head from your shoulders, so you stopped.

At the other end of the moirail spectrum are Equius and Nepeta, who are not even close to skating hand-in-hand. Nepeta is skating pretty much like a cat with ice skates on: it seems like she’s constantly about to fall, pinwheeling her arms and dancing around right on the tips of her blades, but somehow she’s moving forward at a really high speed at the same time. The few times she really does almost fall, Equius’ strong arm comes out of nowhere and scoops her up before setting her on her feet. He’s always hovering over and trying to look like he isn’t, but being nearly six feet tall and generally really really big, he doesn’t exactly succeed. Nepeta pretends she doesn’t see him though, always acting surprised when he turns up, like he comes out of nowhere. He’s really proud of being ‘sneaky’, you can tell. They’re really sweet too.

The moirail-less trolls, however, are wreaking characteristic havoc. Terezi is skating up to big groups of people and then barrelling through them while attacking their shins with her cane. You can hear her cackling and announcing her blindness all the way from the other side of the rink. You would ask Dave to talk to her but 1) he probably thinks she’s being ironicute or ironidorable or some other weird ironic word and 2) he’s leaning up against the wall of the rink like he’s too cool to skate, but you know him well enough to think that’s he’s actually really scared. Or maybe just nervous. Either way, he’s never been skating before and you know he wouldn’t want to look uncool by falling over. So Terezi gets to carry on making mayhem. Vriska, on the other hand, you can maybe stop. She’s currently braking as hard as she can next to little kids and spraying them with waves of chipped ice that are sometimes taller than they are! When they cry or fall over she pats them on the head and skates off, laughing that weird, awesome, pirate-y laugh of hers. Moms and ice marshalls alike are glaring at her and you think she is about eight seconds away from being thrown out. You sigh. You are the leader, and you must act!

You skate Jade over to Gamzee and Karkat, who are leaning over the barrier and chatting to Tavros, who has his hands wrapped around a mug of hot chocolate and a blanket over his knees that Gamzee made for him with Kanaya and Rose’s reluctant help.

“Hey guys!” you say, a little breathlessly, and glancing over your shoulder at Vriska, who is harassing a toddler.

“Egbert, you nooksniffing grubfuck!” Karkat screeches, attempting to turn dramatically to face you and nearly falling on his face. Gamzee reaches out and languidly hooks an arm around his waist and sets him back on his feet with a benign “Wanna be careful there, best bro, this ice is up and full of wicked slipperiness”.

“One second Karkat, I’ll come back and let you yell at me all you like, I swear! But can you just look after Jade for like one second while I go and stop Vriska being a jerk?”

“Good luck with that,” Karkat snorts, but he holds out a hand to Jade anyway.

“Thanks Karkat!” Jade says, obviously relieved not to have to confront Vriska with you, and quickly snatches Karkat’s hand. This nearly pulls all three of them down, but Gamzee nonchalantly loops an arm over Jade’s shoulders too, and everybody stays upright. Jade looks a little disconcerted at Gamzee’s free attitude to personal space, but Karkat pats her elbow awkwardly and she smiles and lets it happen. As you skate off, you think you can hear Tavros and Gamzee start up one of their terrible rap-offs.

Vriska catches sight of you before you reach her, and crashes into you with a shout of “Joooooooohn!!!!!!!!”

It nearly knocks you over, but Vriska is very strong and also taller than you, so she saves you. You would be embarrassed about your sort-of girlfriend being nearly a full head taller than you, but she fits her height perfectly. She wouldn’t be Vriska if she wasn’t tall and wiry and allergic to combs.

“Vriskaaaaaaaa!” you shout in return and hug her, using all eight a’s before you remember that you are here on business. “Vriska,” you repeat. “You have to stop bullying all these little kids! It’s mean and you’re being kind of a jerk.”

She pulls away from you with an angry pout. “C’mon, John! I’m helping them! How will they ever learn to be stronger if people like _you_ coddle them! Besides, you’re _not_ my _moirail_ and you couldn’t tell _me_ what to do even if you were!”

She crosses her arms. There’s a full-scale tantrum coming on here, you can tell, which is not what you had in mind when you suggested a bonding trip to the ice rink.

Luckily, you are a very quick thinker. You have all the quick thoughts, all of them!

Wow. Vriska is definitely better at that than you are. Forget you even said that.

“I just don’t want you to get thrown out before we’ve had a chance to skate together,” you say instead, and reaches across to take her hand. She lets you, and starts to smile.

“Come on then, slowpoke!!!!!!!!” she yells (you’re not entirely sure she can speak below a certain eight-shoutpole volume), and drags you off. You laugh, and show her how to skate in figure-of-eights. It’s not strictly allowed, but it makes her so pleased that when you leave her to collect Jade she doesn’t even complain, and she’s certainly not ‘helping’ any more kids. You are the greatest leader. It is you.

Jade is very glad to be rescued from the terrible beats Gamzee and Tavros are laying down. Karkat looks as if he’s on the verge of asking to come with you, but seems to remember that Gamzee is the only thing keeping him standing and thinks better of it.

You skate past Rose and Kanaya, but they are so wrapped up in each other they don’t even notice you. They are both so elegant and sophisticated, and they look so much older than you that for a moment you feel small and childish in your bobble hat and glasses, but then Rose makes some comment in Kanaya’s ear that makes the troll girl giggle so hard she nearly loses her balance and Rose has to haul her up, smiling a secretive smile that is so fond and affectionate you feel your cheeks grow a little warm just looking at it. But you feel much better after that.

Jade links her arm through yours, which means your hand starts to get its circulation back. “She’s such a handful, John. I just don’t know what you see in her.”

You shrug helplessly. “She’s fun!”

You track Vriska with your eyes, trying to work out just what it is about her. She’s turning lazy figure-of-eights with her arms spread out wide. When she comes closer, you hear that she’s saying ‘pchoooooooo’ under her breath as she does so. You smile, you can’t help yourself, and as you do you wonder if you look at Vriska the same way Rose looks at Kanaya. You hope so. That’s what she deserves.

Jade’s laughter breaks into your reverie, and she bumps you affectionately in the ribs. “Okay, Romeo, that’s enough! I get it!”

You feel your cheeks burn. It’s not that you’re ashamed of Vriska, but Jade is your sister! It’s embarrassing, and you’re not quite sure why.

“ ‘Fun!’ ” Jade continues. “I know you Mr Egbert, and I saw you looking at her legs!”

She keeps laughing, and you’re entirely sure you have never been this humiliated. You pull your hat down over your face in the hope that it will get her to stop, but she only starts singing ‘Puppy Love’ at the top of her voice. You tell her agitatedly that IF ANYBODY IS IN PUPPY LOVE IT IS HER BECAUSE SHE IS ACTUALLY HALF A DOG and she replies that she is being ironic and proceeds to laugh so hard that she gives herself the hiccups.

You are saved from further humiliation by Eridan and Feferi easing past you. You’re not really sure what the deal is with those two: Karkat said that they used to be moirails, but Eridan wanted to be her boyfriend, and it all got understandably awkward, especially when Sollux came into the picture. But to you it seems like now they’re trying to be friends again, which is a good thing you guess? It’s pretty confusing and convoluted, which of course means that Rose is heavily involved. She’s their auspistice, which you don’t really understand, but it seems to stop everybody fighting so much, which is all good in your book.

“….ain’t glubbin natural,” you hear Eridan mutter as they go past. He is huddled, slightly miserably, in his cape, and you suspect he is only on the ice to make sure that Feferi doesn’t skate with Sollux. Feferi giggles and says something about ‘having fin!’ and ruffles his hair before slipping out of his hold and absconding. Eridan squawks in friendly outrage, and gives chase. Or at least he tries to, but gets his cape caught under one of his skates and goes flying across the ice of his stomach. Feferi gasps and puts her hands to her mouth, looking indescribably guilty. Sollux starts laughing, but Aradia sternly claps a hand over his mouth while shooting Feferi an apologetic look.

Meanwhile, Terezi has gotten bored with attacking innocent bystanders and then accusing them of hurting a blind girl and threatening to sue and has managed to literally rope Dave into skating with her. Literally, she has his wrists in a noose that you think she must have been carrying around with her. You really cannot tell whether he objects to this plan. Predictably, Nepeta crashes into them spectacularly and Equius follows shortly after, the whole group of them tumbling to the ice. Dave’s shades fall off, and Terezi immediately attempts to lick his eyes.

It is carnage. At least half your group is actually on the floor, and the other half are not helping. Karkat is shouting and trying halfheartedly to skate over Dave’s fingers, Vriska is now skating loops around Kanaya and Rose, who are becoming increasingly annoyed, and they are definitely going to be collectively banned from this ice rink.

Kanaya hip-checks Vriska into you, and you and Jade and Vriska all go down in one undignified tumble. You very nearly crack your skull open, but instead you just lie back and start laughing uncontrollably. The two girls crushing the air from your ribcage join you. You have never been so happy, you think as Karkat continues to scream for order. You have never, ever been so happy.


End file.
